From the Outside Looking In
By Liat Colantonio
See Liat's other piece, A Moment of Truth.
When they look into your eyes
your essence there, but lost within
it's hard to see you deep inside
through childish acts, you're now hidden
Rage of emotions surface fast
you can't control, it isn't you
they make you cry they make you lash
now unpredictable in moods
Words are spoken at your side
no comprehension of the sounds
when they say you've lost your mind
it's not with intent of putting down
It's an awkward interaction
not knowing what you'll say or do
fearing a hug of love can turn
into a frightful thing for you
Overwhelmed by foreign faces
cannot be comforting at all
it's apparent in your eyes
that you feel so scared, and small
Memory lapses are an outcome
they ask how frequent this occurs
fits of rage ensue quite often
then diagnose her with this curse
But at least it gives some reason
to these manic acts of late
which will manifest itself
into a debilitating state
And then the days of quiet withdrawl
where you began to hide inside
assumed the body we know is yours
but we know your spirit is still alive
On some days when you're aware
do you know what's happening to you?
are you there enough to care
are you saddened by it too?
Proper thoughts can't formulate
it's in your fortune to forget
it seizes memories you've made
of how you lived, and those you've met
And a glance at brother Jim
registers a thought inside
but it only lasts a moment
till you're succumbed by vacant eyes
Is it worse from your perspective
or more distressing watching you
as you're lost amid your family
and deteriorate from who they knew
Holding hostage those you've loved
memories trapped some place inside
your life's stories locked away
forever lost in your ill mind
It's very hard to idly watch you
fall into frail and weaker states
in ill emotional explosions
as your mind deteriorates
You used to be so proud,
independent and so strong
now to get you to a bathroom
you need to help to walk along
You can't recount your memories
all the experiences of your life
are your thoughts elapsed and empty?
or are they just locked, with you inside?
When someone calls your name
you don't know who they're talking to
how confusing it must be
losing all identities of you
All the details of your life
are confiscated over time
they can't be opened or released
they're in a place no one can find
You can't remember who you were
your existence starts to fade
losing the battle to your mind
you are now working day to day
Without a name or history
who are you deep inside
living only in the present
means having nothing left to hide
But hopefully 'they' remember
those details that you forget
just who you were and what you loved
and what your life has meant
So make those moments real
when they're able to come through
it may only last a second
but lives forever inside you
© Liat Colantonio 2008
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