Caregiver's Lament
By
Eric C. Jenn
Farewell to Grace Eva Jenn
August 19, 1926 to July 20, 2007
Submitted in Loving Memory of Our Parents, by daughter Deborah and Son Jim Jenn
I wait for my bride of fifty-two years
The anniversary of our wedding day.
I struggle with passion to hold back the tears
As she sleeps her life away.
I could wake her for it is past noon,
Then life's struggle for her begins again.
As living for her is all out of tune,
For she tries to understand in vain.
She has been robbed of her dignity
And all the wonderful talents she had.
A dreaded disease holds her in captivity
And leaves her broken and sad.
She loved to organize things with an eye for painting many a scene,
With a love of music, dancing and gardening flowers,
All this she has lost and what had been.
Nothing is left for her to while away the hours.
Just sleep and avoid painful reality,
Just sleep and not have to understand,
Just sleep and not cope with her frailty,
Just sleep and avoid life's demand.
I try to get her up to have breakfast with me,
But she refuses to open her eyes.
She says that she's not hungry,
In spite of my pleas and my cries.
Finally I get her up for toast and coffee,
She ignores her morning pills, but drinks a health cure,
She is sleepy and tired, that's plain to see,
So back to the chair to sleep her only method to endure.
I grieve for what she could not endure,
Always a doubting worrier, always on her guard.
Never could I give her strength and make her feel secure.
For her, life was nearly always hard.
Poor beginnings robbed her of her girlhood;
A sickly but loving mom, needed her attention and care;
A father who knew not how to nurture, but did the best he could;
Shaped her young, warped life and made it hard to bear.
So I grieve for what could have been,
A loving, caring soul, who got lost in life's events.
I fell in love with a part of her that could not be seen,
A beautiful caring person underneath what appeared so intense.
Her disease affects her language, mood and memory,
Besides her attention, personality and judgement of space.
Called frontotemporal dementia, for short F.T.D.
Oh! If all these dreaded things I could erase.
I want my wife back with all her flaws and inner beauty,
A pathetic cry I know will never be.
The joy we shared looking at sunsets and nature's beauty,
A joy she can no longer share with me.
Then things changed again for my dear Grace,
She would not eat and would have died.
I had to find a home – a caring place.
A permanent place for her came up, I cried and cried.
No longer would she be with me,
In a home we'd built and shared.
From this cursed disease she would never be free,
Nor would her life be spared.
From nurses in the home, much tender loving care received,
By the grace of God, she began eating on her own again.
This left me content and much relieved.
She was very well cared for then.
A couple sponsored a Hymn Sing Sunday nights.
Grace and I would join the throng,
I t added much to my delight,
As my beloved, at first sang right along,
Old hymns her mother knew:
Jesus Loves Me, and The Old Rugged Cross.
Alas this did not last, the hymns she only listened to,
Again this posed another loss.
Then came a virus infecting residents there in.
Grace caught the plague, her appetite failed,
Stopped eating, and her meager fare was thin.
Eating only a little no matter how much we prevailed.
Falling in the home sealed her fate.
A broken hip in hospital was replaced.
Fourteen days she little drank or ate,
I sensed her final hours must be faced.
Transported back to the home and loving care,
Her frail body continued to live on,
The day before I became aware.
Her eyes and sad face showed she'd soon be gone.
An early morning phone call made me dread,
I knew the end of my beloved was near.
"Grace has passed away" a sad voice said.
God had finally take her home, my precious dear.
As I kissed her lifeless, still warm body, I was aware.
Her breath and earthly body stilled at rest.
Her lifegiving spirt no longer there.
Her soul in heaven rest.
I know dear beloved this is not the end,
Only God knows when.
I'll miss you as my best friend.
Some day in the great beyond we'll meet again.
So goodbye my precious one.
Thank you for your love and the things you've done for me.
Tears will fall at times now you are gone.
I know at peace you are finally free.
(Written by) Your loving husband Eric C. Jenn
(now deceased May 4. 1924 – April 10, 2008)
Poem dated July 20, 2007 4:00 a.m.
© Estate of Eric C. Jenn 2008
Back
to the Previously Posted Writings page and The Writing Room introduction
page.
|
