| |
Untitled
By Jeanie
My father, now 89, has been living with my husband and myself in our home for over 4 years, after it was apparent he could no longer live on his farmsite alone and no longer was able to drive. We have since then, purchased a different home to better facilitate the changes now that Dad lives with us, such as needing another bedroom on the main floor, etc.
These 4 years have been such a remarkable learning opportunity for both my husband and myself, not only with Dad living with us but also in the sale of his home of over 50 years, an auction, giving up driving and independence and moving into our home in a town 60 miles away, and the way Dad has so remarkably adjusted and is so totally accepting of his life changes. I truly believe these changes and the emotional and sentimentality involved, have been much more difficult for us than Dad. His remark many times has been, "This is just another hill to climb in life" and when moving and selling his home and belongings on the auction, we along with the grandchildren were a blubbering sobby mess, and he just looked at us all, smiled and said,"Come on now, everything has it's time, and now is the time for all this".
His personality has not changed, but is still the warm, caring and loving man he has always been, but his memory is shorter, and he knows it...but he somehow is able to accept it as 'this is what happens'. When he re-reads the paper for the 3rd or 4th time of the day and I make a comment about something in the paper he reads to me, he just says, "Jeanie, I read the paper again and again...it's always 'new' news."
He has just 4 months ago, been along on the arrival of a new great granddaughter, and has been with her so much, fed her, rocked her, and loves her dearly......even though when it's been 1 1/2-2 weeks since seeing her we remind him of her name but he 'covers well' and her parents don't know he's forgotten.
Through all this Dad is still teaching us so much about 'life' and about acceptance and faith, just by his example. So often we wonder 'why' and often people who have a dementia/Alzheimers are just poo-pooed by so many people who think they aren't worth anything anymore---my husband is so good with Dad and we've learned so much about patience, and just really what is important, and how so many things really don't matter.
As Dad is sleeping upstairs right now with the Bichon we bought him 4 years ago cuddled up beside him, I am thankful for the opportunity we have of helping him.
I have to admit, thought often with some guilt feelings, there are times when we wonder how long this will work so well, if he would be better off living in a facility of some sort with others around all the time......but I think we'll know if and when that time comes. In the meantime, we will continue on as we are, keeping Dad involved in our senior group, church, etc.
© Jeanie 2007
Back
to the Previously Posted Writings page and The Writing Room introduction
page.
|
